四六级考试网

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife. “That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits,” he said. “Why don’t you take your blouse off and we’ll see what he does?” At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down. “Hey,” the husband said, “let’s really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we’ll see what he does.” Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in. “Now,” said the husband with an evil smile, “tell HIM you have a headache!”

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, “Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?” The mother replies, “Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand”. “OK” said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, “Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?” “They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert”, “Thanks Mom” replies the son.After a short while, the son returns and asks, “Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??” The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, “They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods.” “That’s great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water.But Mom”, “Yes son?”"Why the heck are we in the San Diego Zoo?”

One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose.Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?”Hey, thanks!” the farmer said, and off he went.While walking he met a fair young lady with rather large beautiful breasts. She told him she was lost, and asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?”The farmer said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let’s take a short cut and go down this alley. We’ll save half the time to get there”.The fair young lady said, “How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?”The farmer said, “I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”The young lady said, “Easy silly! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the friggen chickens!”

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, “Sir, what is that on your shoulder?”The old farmer said, “That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes.”"I’m sorry, Sir,” said the ticket girl, “We can’t allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken.”The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge.The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.”Marge,” whispered Mildred.”What?” said Marge.”I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”"What makes you think so?” asked Marge.”He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.”Well, don’t worry about it,” said Marge, “At our age it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.”"Yes,” said Mildred, “But this one’s eating my popcorn!”

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. “Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”

It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy’s horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.”Hold on there, partner,” said the snake, “don’t shoot- I’m an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don’t shoot me, I’ll give you any three wishes you want.”The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake’s striking range. He said, “OK, first, I’d like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I’d like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I’d like sexual equipment like this here horse I’m riding.”The rattlesnake said, “All right, when you get back to the bunk house you’ll have all three wishes.”The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, “Oh no! I was riding the mare!”

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?” A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, “It’s my dog. Why?”"Well,” squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, “I believe my dog just killed it, sir.” “What?” roared the big man in disbelief. “What in the hell kind of dog do you have?” “Sir,” answered the little man, “it’s a little four week old female puppy.” “Bull!” roared the biker, “how could your puppy kill my Doberman?” “It appears that your dog choked on her, sir.”

This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the kid just stares at it in fascination. Eventually he asks his father, “Dad, what’s that thing hanging down?”"That’s the elephant’s trunk,” replies his father.”No, I mean at the other end.”"Oh, that’s the elephant’s penis.”"That’s funny,” mused the little boy, “Last time we were here, Mum told me it was nothing.”"Well,” said the smiling father, “You have to remember that your mother is a very spoilt woman.”

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?”"Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–”"I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?” “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road–”"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe’s answer and told the lawyer so. “Well,” said the farmer, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, “Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?”