四六级考试网

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but, farmer decides he’d be worth it. So, he buys Randy and takes the rooster home. He then sets him down in the barnyard and gives the rooster a pep talk, “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. “So, take your time and have some fun,” the farmer ended with a chuckle.Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points toward the hen house, and Randy took off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked.After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Randy is in there. Later, the farmer sees Randy after the flock of geese down by the lake. Once again, WHAM! He gets all the geese.By sunset he sees Randy out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught — worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob — stone cold in the middle of the yard and buzzards are circling overhead.The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “SHHHH, they’re getting closer…”

What do you call a deer with no eyes?No idea!What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?Still no idea!What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and is on fire?Still no flaming idea!

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ”No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ”Here,” she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ”I found them in the hallway.” ”Now,” she said, ”if only I could find my parakeet.”

Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?Customer: I抦 moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit. “Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I’ve got something to show you!” “Not now! I’m eating.”"Oh come on!” said the rabbit. “It’s really important.”"No way.”"Please. It’s urgent.”So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air. “Well, rabbit,” he panted. “What did you want to tell me?”"Hey, Teddy,” the rabbit began, “look how many berries are on the other side of the river.”

Once there three male dogs who set eyes on a beautiful female poodle. They all rushed over to her. Aware of her charms, she said, “I will go out with the first one of you who can use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ together in an intelligent sentence.”Immediately the Lab said, “I like liver and cheese.”"No imagination at all,” said the poodle.Next was the muscular Rottweiler, who blurted, “I hate liver and cheese.”"That’s worse than the Lab,” she replied.Finally a tiny chihuahua smiled at his opponents, gave the poodle a knowing wink, and said, “Liver alone, cheese mine.”

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. “Mommy, what’s that long thing on the elephant?” he asked. “That’s the elephant’s trunk, dear,” she replied. “No, not that. What’s that long thing that’s hanging between the elephant’s legs?” asked the boy. Embarrassed, the mother replied, “Oh, it’s nothing, son.” She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas. While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, “Daddy, what’s that long thing hanging between the elephant’s legs?” “That’s the elephant’s penis, son,” explained the father. “Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?” the boy asked. Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, “I’ve spoiled that woman, son!”

A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.She wakes up shocked and sees this koala bear going down on her, and she decides that since it feels so good she’ll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him “Hey, you have to pay for that”. The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.The prostitute yells at him again, “Hey you have to pay for that. I’m a prostitute”. She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.PROSTITUTE(n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.KOALA(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.

One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel comfortable enough to come down. The monkey said, “If you tie yourself up I’ll come down.” So the lion ties himself up, but as the monkey came down he started shaking.The lion said, “Hey, monkey, you don’t have to be scared! I’m not going to eat you; I’m tied up real tight.”"I know,” said the monkey. “That’s not why I’m shaking.”"So why are you shaking?” asked the lion.”Well,” said the monkey, “it’s just that I’ve never had sex with a lion before.”