四六级考试网

The Louisiana State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in St. Tammany, Jefferson & Orleans Parish.They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as “little bells” on their clothing to alert, but not startle the alligators, unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of “pepper spray” in case of an encounter with an alligator. It’s also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity and be able to recognize the difference between young alligator and adult alligator droppings.Young alligator droppings are small, contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper.

It’s a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He’s wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended)He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.”Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.” he says…. this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he’s doing flips.Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.”Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”

Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt.”Good work!” says the bartender. He pops the cash register open, pulls out a wad of bills, and counts them out into the rancher’s outstretched hand.After the rancher leaves, Mike asks the bartender, “What was that all about?”The barkeep says, “Haven’t you boys heard? We got us a real wolf problem in these parts, and the county ain’t done a thing about it. Why, just last week, a pack of the damn varmints came onto my property and laid waste t’my chicken coop. Ol’ Man Miller down the road even lost four of his cattle to the bloodthirsty beasts! They’re vicious, and they got no fear — and they gotta be stopped. So I’m offerin’ a bounty — a hundred dollars to anybody who brings in a wolf pelt.”Mike and Bill look at each other, and immediately race out of the bar to go hunt wolves.After wandering around the hills for several hours, they finally spot a lone wolf in the distance. Mike takes aim with his rifle and shoots the wolf dead. The two fellas sprint over to where the carcass lay, and Mike gets busy with the pelt.Suddenly, Bill says, “Hey, Mike, look.”"Not now,” says Mike, “I’m busy.”Bill tugs on Mike’s sleeve and says, “Mike, I think you *really* ought to see this.”"Not now!” Mike says again. “Can’t you see I’ve got a hundred dollars in my hands?”Bill’s voice starts to waver. “Mike, please, just look!”Mike stops what he’s doing and looks up: The two men are surrounded by a pack of wolves — at least fifty in all, every one of them growling, drooling, gnashing their teeth, and licking their chops.Mike takes in the sight and gasps: “Oh, my God… We’re gonna be rich!”

One day an elderly pastor confides in his parishioners that he’s feeling a bit lonely and depressed. So one of the parishioners suggests to the pastor that he buy a pet. Thinking this a grand idea, the pastor hurries into town and after much deliberation, buys a parrot. Unfortunately not five minutes after arriving home, the parrot starts hurling a string of expletives at the pastor. After about an hour it gets to be too much, so the pastor walks up to the parrot, slaps him on the beak, and yells, “QUIT IT!” But this just makes the parrot madder and he starts swearing at the pastor in even more colorful language. Finally the pastor has had it and says, “All right, that’s it. Grabbing a blanket, the pastor throws it over the parrot’s cage and screams, “Now, SHUT UP!” Well, this really irritates the parrot and he starts clawing and scratching at the bars of his cage. Finally the pastor removes the blanket. Immediately the parrot starts right in on the pastor again. By this time, the pastor is so infuriated that he grabs the parrot by the throat and throws him into the freezer. Well, the parrot starts swearing and thrashing about so loudly that the pastor is considering killing the bird. Just as he’s thinking this, it gets very…very quiet. At first the pastor just stares at the refrigerator, but then he starts to think that the parrot might be seriously injured. He becomes so worried that he runs over to the refrigerator and throws open the freezer door. The parrot climbs out of the freezer, flaps the ice off his wings, and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I’ve caused you father. In the future, I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary.” The pastor is astounded. He can’t believe the sudden transformation that has come over the parrot. Finally the parrot turns to the pastor and says, “Um….by the way, what did the chicken do?”

Cats in International Falls, Minnesota, are not allowed to chase dogs up telephone poles.If your dog gets your neighbor’s dog pregnant in Danbury, Connecticut, you are responsible and must pay for the abortion if the neighbor chooses to have it done.No dog may be tied to a shade tree in Birmingham, Alabama.An ordinance in Belvedere, California, states “No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash.” Another misworded ordinance is this one from Arvada, Colorado: “If a stray pet is not claimed within 24 hours, the owner will be destroyed.”Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.In Sterling, Colorado, it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. Cats living in Cresskill, New Jersey, must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts. A Fountain Inn, South Carolina, law once required horses to wear pants at all times. But carriage horses in Charleston, South Carolina, were required to wear diapers.In Calgary, Canada, a by-law requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.In Winona, MS, it is illegal to drive a car on Main Street because it frightens horses.In Wilbur, Washington, it is against the law for a person to “ride an ugly horse” – the fine is $300! If you live in California, you cannot keep your chickens, turkeys, goats, cows, and other farm animals in an apartment.In Cumberland, Maryland, you cannot keep your chickens with you in your hotel room.In Minnesota, it’s illegal to tease skunks.In Atlanta, it’s against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.Riding a camel on a highway in Nevada is against the law. Over in Galveston, Texas, it is against the law for camels to wander the streets unattended. In Arizona, it is illegal to shoot or hunt camels. It’s illegal to take a deer swimming in water above its knees in North Carolina.

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says OK, and drives away.The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”

Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” he asked the owner. “Yep, that’s him,” came the reply. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” “Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

Bill’s all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear. The black bear says, “You’ve got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex.” He bends over for the bear. He’s sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, “That was a big mistake. You’ve got 2 choices, “Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” Bill bends over. He survives, but he’s really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he’s outraged!Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.The polar bear says, “You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?”

A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, ‘Buk Buk BUK.’ The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out. Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,’ Buk Buk BuKKOOK!’ The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before. About an hour later the two birds march back in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, ‘Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!’The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what’s happening.She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…”