四六级考试网

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.The police chief asks, “What were the people doing on the bus?”The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.The chief asks, “Yeah, but what else were they doing?”.The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.The chief says, “Oh! They were drinking, huh??!” The chief continues, “Okay, were they doing anything else?”The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?”The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

Ahunter raised his rifle and took careful aim at a large bear. When about to pull the trigger, the bear spoke in a soft soothing voice, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let’s negotiate the matter.” Lowering his rifle, the hunter replied, “I want a fur coat.” “Good,” said the bear, “that is a negotiable item. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and negotiate a compromise.” They sat down to negotiate and after a time the bear walked away, alone. The negotiations had been successful. The bear had a full stomach, and the hunter had his fur coat!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?”Child: “Moo!”Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?”Child: “Meow.”Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.”What’s going on?” she yells out the window.”Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.Within five minutes, however, it stops again.The woman sees the same conductor walk again.She leans out the window and yells, “What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”

While waiting for a bus, the blind man’s dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man’s legs.A passerby commented to the blind man, “What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?”To which the blind man replied, “Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him.”

How do you catch a unique rabbit?Unique up on it.How do you catch a tame rabbit?Tame way.

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive; those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird’s attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music… anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet. Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior”. Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird’s attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the Chicken did?”

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?A: Because they don’t know the words.Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?A: To a crow bar.Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?A: Look at the orange mama laid.Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.Q: Why do hens lay eggs?A: If they dropped them, they’d break.Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?Do you think he saurus.