四六级考试网

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach…”

wo unemployed guys are talking. One says, “I’m going to become a lion tamer.”The other replies, “That’s crazy, you don’t know nothing about no lion taming.”"Yes I do!”"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?”"Well, then I take that big chair they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down.”"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?”"Well, then I takes that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down.”"Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bites it in two? What you gonna do then?”"Well, then I take that gun they all carry, and I shoot him.”"Well, what if that gun doesn’t work? What will you do then?”"Well, then I pick up some of the shit that’s on the bottom of the cage, and I throw it in his eyes, and I run out ofthe cage.”"Well, what if there ain’t no shit in the bottom of the cage? What you gonna do then?”"Well, that’s dumb. Cause if that lion comes at me, and he throws the chair out of the cage, and he bites the whip in two, and my gun don’t work, there’s going to be some shit on the bottom of that cage, you can bet on that.”

Q. When a rabbit has sex, why is it quiet?A. He has cotton balls.

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, “I’ll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren’t any ducks out there, I’m not going hunting.”So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, “Well I’m not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there.”Earl says, “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, “I don’t believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!”Chester says, “Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too.”So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it’s mouth and starts humping Earl’s leg.Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, “This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.The breeder says, “Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!”

In North Carolina, it is against the law to use elephants to plow cotton fields.In New York City, one is forbidden from shooting rabbits from the back end of a Third Avenue streetcar when it is moving. In Kansas, people cannot shoot rabbits while in a motorboat.In Statesville, North Carolina, it is against the law to race rabbits in the streets.In Tuscumbia, Alabama, no more than eight rabbits can reside on the same block.A law in Detroit, Michigan, prohibits crocodiles from being tied to a fire hydrant.Donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn, New York.In Baltimore, Maryland, it is necessary to document any services performed by a jackass.In Ohio, it is against the law to set a fire under your mule if it balks.In Arkansas, if your 2-year-old mule runs wild and is unclaimed within 2 days, anyone may castrate the animal.In Marshalltown, Iowa, a horse will be breaking the law if it eats a fire hydrant. People can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.In Tulsa, Oklahoma, dogs are prohibited from going on private property unless the owner gives his consent first.In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.Dogs are strictly forbidden from riding in ambulances in Westport, Massachusetts. Wallace, Idaho, decreed it is unlawful for anyone to sleep in a dog kennel. In Clawson, Michigan, a law specifically makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens. But the animals may not be in the house after sunup or during the day.Florida has a law prohibiting the transporting of livestock on school buses.If you live in Franklin, Kentucky, you can’t legally trade horses after dark.In Alabama, no mules can be traded after supper when the sun has already gone below the horizon. And in Idaho, you can’t buy or sell chickens after sundown without the sheriff’s permission.It is illegal to lasso a catfish in Tennessee and the state of Washington.In Seattle, goldfish can ride the city buses in bowls only if they keep still.You cannot shoot fish with a bow and arrow in Louisville, Kentucky. And you cannot shoot fish with a gun in the state of Washington or in Hazelhurst, Mississippi.It’s against the law to get a fish drunk in Oklahoma.In Kansas, you cannot fish with your bare hands, while in the state of Washington, you can’t catch a fish by throwing a rock at it.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. Aman comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting hereon this beautiful day getting drunk?”Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.Man: So what happened that is so horrible?Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cowmilking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took herleft leg and kicked it over.Man: That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.Man: So then what happened.Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the leftwith some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her.Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg andkicked it over.Man: Again?Farmer: Something’s ya just can’t explain.Man: So, what did you do then?Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on theright.Man: So then what did you do?Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as Igot the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over thebucket with her tail.Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset!Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.Man: So then what did you do.Farmer: Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my beltand tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants felldown and my wife walked in.

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey.”Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?”"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse.”

On Monday Fred, an old country farmer, bought a mule from Luke, another old farmer, for $100. Luke promised to deliver the mule the next day.On Tuesday Luke drove up and said, “Sorry, Fred, but I have some bad news. The mule died.”Fred: Well, then, just give me my money back.Luke: Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.Fred: Well, OK then. Just unload the mule.Luke: What ya gonna do with a dead mule?Fred: I’m going to raffle him off.Luke: You can’t raffle off a dead mule!Fred: Sure I can. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.Several days later the two farmers meet up.Luke: Whatever happened with that dead mule?Fred: I raffled him off just like I said I would. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each!Luke: Didn’t anyone complain?Fred: Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. “Mother Mole!” He called back down the hole. “Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!” The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. “That’s not honey, that’s maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!”The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. “I can’t smell anything down here but molasses….”