四六级考试网

Three guys sitting in a bar around a log fire with their dogs, and get talkin’ about them. First one says “My dog is called woodworker.. go woodworker.” The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and paws fashions a beautiful figurine. Next one says “My dog is called stoneworker.. go stoneworker” The dog drags a rock from the fire front and a beautiful carving emerges. Third one says “My dog is called iron worker” he puts the fire tongs into the fire and gets them red hot. “Now,” he says “I’ll just touch him on the balls and you watch him make a bolt for the door.”

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, “Whoa! What are we going to do?” Said the other ant: “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on the ball.”

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call.Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, let’s get out and get him.”After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?”The guy in the front said, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”

One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.”Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo.”"Don’t cry, little one.”, replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn’t do, but if he saw the wizard, he’d fix things up for him. So happily, the little green frog hippity-hopped along his merry way.Feeling quick happy about herself, the witch once more took to the skies, and once again, she heard some crying, but this time of a thunderous sort. So down to the ground she flew only to discover a pink elephant. The witch asked him why he was crying.”Sniff. None of the other elephants will let me join in all their elephant games. Boo hoo.”Now if you have ever seen an elephant cry, you know it to be a pathetic looking sight, but a PINK elephant crying is just downright heart-breaking, and that is just how the witch felt. So once again, she waved her magic wand, and *POOF*, the elephant was all grey.All happy now, the elephant was checking himself all over when he noticed that his penis was still pink. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn’t do, but if saw the wizard, he would fix things up for him.At this point, the elephant just started wailing. “I don’t know where the wizard is”, he sobbed.”Oh that’s easy. Just follow the yellow pricked toad”, said the good witch.

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy”. I call my dog “Sex”. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one too.” Then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said I didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 9 year old.” He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.” The Clerk said “Me too.” One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand”, I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on television.” He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I got married.” The judge said “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, “Me too.” Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked “What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex…” My case comes up on Friday…

A woman was driving along, and her car broke down. She decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station. A truck driver hauling a load of chickens pulled up. The driver asked, “Hey, little lady, need a lift?” “Yes, my car broke down, and I need a ride to the nearest gas station.” The driver replied, “OK, but first you have to fuck me! No fuck, no ride.” She said, “I’m sorry, I don’t need a ride that badly.” So the driver pulled away. All this time, the driver had a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot started saying, “No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!” The driver said, “You had better shut up, bird, or I’m gonna throw you in back with the chickens!” About two miles down the road, the parrot said, “No fuck, no ride!” So the driver slammed on the breaks and threw him in back with the chickens! About 2 more miles further down the road, the driver heard sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled over. He got out of the truck and approached the officer. “What’s the problem, officer. I wasn’t speeding was I?” The officer said, “I wasn’t pulling you over for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that you have a parrot throwing chickens out the trailer screaming, “No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!”

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, “Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it’s really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it’s too large to clean and take care of. I really don’t need the house, but thank you anyway.” Then she confronted her second son with, “Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don’t drive and really don’t like the chauffeur, so please return the car.”Next, she went to Son #3 and said, “Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious.”

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, “Get out of here with that dog!”The guy says, “But this isn’t just any dog… this dog can play the piano!”The bartender replies, “Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay… and have a drink on the house!”So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart… and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, “What was that all about?”The guy replies, “Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor.”